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Editor Notes
07.07.2020 at 21:18 Alright there are a couple of things going on here that I would like to tie together, first is Jonathan's trial and error phase with the chulch, imagine accidentally jumping across the planet, or across a timeline... How would the Chulch keep him from getting lost while he got the hang of finding where he wanted to go? Why does the Chulch need him in the first place? What the heck is Ned doing while Jonathan is galavanting across the countryside? I think that the rules for the Chulch need to be pretty clear even if the reasons for the rules aren't, don't cross certain bounderies (too much energy/ you'll get lost), only use during certain times? Only use the chulch if you are willing to sacrifice something (I life, a huge amount of money, some kind of energy, blood...). This begs the question, what is the trade off? What if space in your head was required to use the chulch? What if the more space Jonathan makes for the artifact and the calmer he can make his mind the more room there is for the chulch to make his magic? The chulch can't manifest fully enough to give his competitors a leg up, but something happens to Jonathan and he has an increased capacity.
06.26.2020 at 21:30
Alright, so I like the idea of breaking up Jonathan's progression from kick-butt-soldier to General into different phases of the project. At first, I thought that we might want to fit this progression into the 45k word chunks. Still, since I want this to be a longish series, I believe that taking each segment: competent warrior, competent commander, qualified general and fitting them into full-length novel sections (i.e., roughly 100k words) that I can take two of the 45k word segments to flesh out each part of the journey. I know that there is a two-act format; I just need to look into what it entails. I would use the three-act structure for individual 45k segments so that they had a satisfying conclusion. I would only cover the arch in two novellas. When we get going with production, we could spend a little more of the budget on producing the typical 100k word novel for each new segment of the series.
Focusing in a little bit more on that first 45k segment, where Jonathan really hones his personal combat skills, we're going to see him going from a veteran with experience in a revolutionary war fighting to a competent fantasy warrior. He's going to need to be trained, he's going to need to be tested, and he's going to need to suffer some pretty horrendous setbacks. The pace will have to be quicker, but the penultimate moment as a warrior is going to be mastery over the new personal fighting skills and possibly the contrast between the black powder fighting with canon and the new fighting with Chulchinor and durchanin. Of course, he will have to take it a bit slow; maybe he gains personal combat skills and an introduction to how the chulchinor works in the first 45k. Then he is introduced to the durchanin in the second 45k. That way, he has a bit of time to bring him and the reader up to how the mechanics if the new skill set work. Somewhere along the way, he loses access to the unique skills, of course, and has to lean on some of his "old world" skills. That kind of turn back can wait till a later book, though. I'm not sure how to bring all the extra characters into play, but they will be there, even if briefly. And then eventually they can get their own books. I don't have a problem giving characters cameo chapters. I think it provides the story with breadth to show what's going on in other people's worlds. I don't want to go too overboard. There is definitely such a thing as ensemble cast exhaustion when you are just so overwhelmed by the number of characters that it's hard to care about any of them since you barely know any of them.
I'm reflecting on Galaxies Edge a little bit. The theme of the series, which is "The Galaxy is a Dumpster Fire" which gives them a lot of leeway to just put the characters in all-around crappy situations. I love that they were willing to kill off such an important character. You feel so amazed by the characters unfolding story in the wave of prequels but, you already know that the character ends up a gibbering pile of goo because he just wasn't prepared to deal with the threat at the end of his road—kind of amazing. I'm definitely blown away by both the guts to remove Tyrus Rechts from the main storyline and how the theme shapes the whole series. One of the critical components of the series is the Tyrus, while being a flawed character is always faithful to who he is. And that kind of integrity is essential to the ethos of the character. I want to say that the protagonist of our series is going to be that power corrupts, something that each person needs to watch out for in themselves. Still, I'm tempted to say that, to a certain extent, my immortal protag is going to avoid that trap. It just makes for a better lead when you can trust him to take care of the helpless, to get the job done that nobody else is willing to do. Tyrus' father told him that he was the line between darkness and civilization. He goes on to spend the rest of his considerable lifespan standing up to that darkness. I think that Uncle William is going to do something similar to Jonathan. There's a line between right and wrong, and it's sometimes hard to define. Still, you always know after you've crossed it if you're honest with yourself. The ones who try to trick themselves into believing that there is no line, or that they get to choose what's right for them, are the ones who lose sight of that line. So watch yourself, stand on the light side of the line, and don't let anyone pull you across because the further you move across that boundary, the easier it is to convince yourself that there was never a line there in the first place. I haven't quite decided how uncle William is going to interact with the new world. Still, I do like the idea that he is working with the General on some level. Uncle has something that the general needs. Part of it is that Uncle provides insight into Jonathan. The General is good at reading people, we already know that he manipulates his sister. Still, it could be that Uncle's desire to help everybody makes him vulnerable to the General. Not that Uncle is naive about the General's plans for Jonathan, but that the General gets more out of Uncle because of his trusting, hopeful nature than if Uncle were a little more calloused and jaded like Jonathan. I think that there is going to be some active engagement on William's part. I also believe that there is going to be something for William to actively do. Like teaching agriculture or something that you learn out on the frontier that the European continent didn't understand.
05.30.2020 at 13:43 pm
I want this session to pound out some more of the plot since I feel the bottleneck that we keep coming to is that we don't have a coherent plot to work from. I feel like a lot of the delegation tasks would flow more naturally if there is a decent plot to give the overall story structure. Then, having a lot of reliable charters for anyone who is coming in on the project would help support the creation of scenes. I also want to take advantage of the excellent comments that I received this morning during the writers' group—like how the moment that Jaayna and Jonathan meet she's trying to save the men. Still, they don't get her brave sacrifice. It needs to be pretty epic since this is the introduction of the Upside Down for Jonathan. This is the part where his life starts to get Fantastic.
Another thought, Jonathan is going to meet Uncle Bill because he's afraid that the plague that has been pestering the area has killed off his uncle. With a cart full of supplies, Jonathan heads to his uncle's house. That might hit home with modern readers. Low and behold, Ned got their first. Which is typical of Ned, on-the-ball.
Once the erstwhile adventurers deal with the Golems, I want a catastrophe after they meet the golems. Initially, I was planning that catastrophe to be the kidnapping of Bill. Still, I'm not sure that the story calls for his abduction yet. It might make more sense that there is an imminent threat to the people of the town and Jonathan and co. I feel like they have a responsibility to make sure that the danger is taken as far away as possible. This is already partly true since the Chulchinor is drawing the attacks. Why, you ask? Because the Chulchinor activated enough to give Jayana Jonathan's location. That surge of power was enough to get things moving enough for the General's forces to zero in on the device. Because the demon in the arm-band doesn't just work for everyone, but the mechanism can be studied. What if the founding of the sorcerers' order was based on the information that they got out of the Chulchinor the first time and what's his name plans to get even more out of the device. Jayan is sensitive enough to be directed by the device but isn't the ultimate bearer. The question still remains why Jonathan? And the answer is of-course because I said so--but seriously in all of two dimensions the demon chooses him? No, he's just the most suitable within the confines of what is available. He fits the criteria, the things he doesn't know are essential to the demon so that he can shape Jonathan's trajectory. Part of this story will be about how Jonathan deals with the demon's ulterior motives to gain more power. The demon is moral enough to respect that life, in general, is valuable but is necessarily devoted to preserving life. If they think that they can benefit from a situation, they will justify some collateral damage. It might be interesting to explore how an extra-dimensional creature would make those calculations. You won't be able to compile all of the factors in a two or three dimensional way. Is four-dimensional math something that we could pull off in the book in such a way that it doesn't leave the reader feeling dumb? If the show is happening and has the characters react to it, we can pull it off. Especially if we avoid trying to make that into a "teaching moment."
Okay, so the Chulchinor guides Jayana to Jonathan because he meets the requirements of the demon's four-dimensional math. They start working together but... Disaster strikes, if they don't leave the town gets destroyed. Jayana already feels guilty about involving Jonathan. Jonathan doesn't mainly get along with the townsfolk; he has got the patriotism bug. He feels like he has the responsibility as an officer of the army to protect citizens.
The next question is, how do they leave? If they go back, it has to be so that there is no question that they left since sneaking out would only cause a more thorough search. This brings us back to the subject of the mode of transport. I imagine portals that are tied to some kind of geological or elemental formation. I miss the idea of having Mississippian mounds as the focal point for these, but what if the demon has something prepped? I like the idea of showing that Jonathan's diaspora has been in the works for a while—linearly speaking—and that the demons have the long view in mind. It would also be cool to have the demon steer the adventurers towards doing something that doesn't seem to pay off, but in later series become crucial. I love the idea of the demon interfering in multiple books. I would want to foreshadow their interference so that the readers only gradually realize that demon manipulation is happening from outside the timeline. The demon has a bigger view of what is happening and can use their pseudo-omnipresence to tip the scales in ways that will further their goals. I think we will have to be careful to differentiate this from the deus ex machina. Still, it will be cool to have someone in the stories that have their own agenda but can sometimes be helpful.
05.19.2020 at 9:47 pm
I love the setting of Mr. Stover's chapter 8. I feel like a lot of thought went into developing a scene that could be lived in. I also like how Jonathan’s inner dialogue reflects his experience. We learn a little bit about what he would be familiar with (Where is Christian Hill? It would also be a good idea to address the fact that someone will anachronistically insist that Mt. Mitchell is the highest peak East of the Mississippi).
I’m not a massive fan of the dialogue. I feel like we leaned a little too heavy on Faolimidh’s soft spot for her brother. Yes, her brother presents a huge problem for her—emotionally—but she’s still 3 centuries old, she knows how to prep for a siege and bring the hurt to an opposing army. In fact, she’s going to have stories about the last time she and Andarian danced this dance. That will lend some weight to her fear when she finally admits to Jonathan that she can’t be the one to put her brother down.
We can spend some time in preceding chapters building up the fact that Fao gives Jonathan tests and challenges that only endanger him because she doesn’t entirely trust him yet. And then, at the siege, Fao starts loading on the responsibility while distancing herself from Jonathan and the battle. She goes on an elite mission to blockade the valley road the slavers are taking, she does a Durchanin ritual and other things that Fao can justify doing herself but that she should be delegating. Just to emotionally distance herself from the showdown that she knows is going to happen when her brother shows up with sword dripping Durchanin blood.
05.15.2020 at 9:45 am
Mr. Mundra submitted his first piece today, and I have to say that I'm incredibly impressed with his piece.
Notes on the story itself, there are a few ideas introduced in this piece that need tweaking. I want Jonathan's introduction to the readers to be his "Save The Cat" moment. There also needs to be supernatural spectacles as soon as possible. I think that seeing golems gushing out of the flashy portal would be a tremendous spectacle. Jonathan jumps in to save some targets and loses his horse to a fleeing man. Jonathan and Jayana help each other away from the scene, and that's when the Kulinor begins to activate. This moment marks when Jayana sees "the oracle of the chosen one," or in other words, a sign from the Kulinor that indicates it has chosen to work with Jonathan.
I'm not a massive fan of the damsel in distress trope. I want Jayana to be good at managing people even if she can't speak the same language. I'm not sure exactly what her strength is, but she's brave, and she's smart and capable. The same with Uncle William. He's got an inkling about what's going on with the exotic princess before Jonathan puts it together.
The villagers focus on fighting golems with powder and ball first, which do little damage to the automatons. In contrast, iron alloys sever the magical strands that animate the golems.
We need a name for the golems in the language of their homeworld.
The prisoners taken from Earth create particularly useful golems.
05.14.2020 at 09:12 am
I know that Jonathan needs to show his potential early on, and I want there to be plenty of action in the first chapter. Another essential element early on is magic. The question is how do post-revolutionary war American's and fantasy world inhabitants meet? I think that there needs to be something novel about the way the two worlds interact. Mike suggested that they were entwined somehow, but how does that apply to the larger universe? Are there multiple versions of inhabited planets that entwine? How broad was the sundering? Was it just a planet-scale sundering? Obviously not if the worlds aren't even apart of the same stable solar system. Or is there a planet wandering out there in the black now? Sure, magic might make a planet habitable despite not having a local star. How would they survive the onslaught of galactic debris without the shelter of a solar system? I like the idea of exploring the entwinement theme and having that show up on person to person, people to people, planet to planet, and even a galactic to a galactic scale. Somehow these connections are created between entities that affect both without having an obvious connection.
The question early on then becomes, why are these entities connected? And the answer could range from happenstance to destiny. It would be interesting to explore how far Jonathan would go if he thought that destiny was directing him—only to find that he had not. How would he deal with that kind of disappointment? How would he overcome the realization that Jonathan wasn't as unique as he thought he was? Is there room in this kind of story to explore that theme? I believe that there must be since the Matrix pulled it off so well.
The early chapters need to establish the tone of the story, which will be light-hearted at times but with a series of questions about human relationships and the nature of death. The early chapters need to establish the medium, which is fantasy. Let us use the 80/20 rule. 80% familiar content in the texture and flavor of the story, with 20% of the new and fantastic.
I wouldn't mind having a scene where Jonathan is astonished to find something mundane and familiar to him and the reader in the fantasy world. A latrine, a table, sweeping, someone tending potted plants, someone cutting themselves shaving, having to clean up after a puppy, etc.
Another question that needs addressing is how do they move from one world to the next. I still like the idea that there are methods for opening doorways between worlds. Still, they have different levels of effectiveness. The one that Jonathan uses is not so stable until he gains more experience with the Kulinor.
I think that there are strands of a complex web that touch people places and things multi-dimensionally, and some times the strands are thick and well-anchored, and other times the strands are only tenuous. Your ability to travel along these strands depends on your skill and the mechanism that you use. Great talent can take you along the strands without great peril. Still, inadequate expertise or inferior mechanisms can endanger the traveler and the strand. Perhaps even the connection to the web (there needs to be a better name than web so that people aren't immediately thinking about the internet).